We got our first trick or treaters at 2:00 yesterday afternoon. I was watching TV with E's brother, Ed, and our sister in law, Rachel.
E: "Where's all the Halloween candy?"
Me: "You're not opening the candy bags, yet. It's for the kids."
E: "This is for kids. They're on the porch."
Me: "What the fuck are you talking about? It's 2:00."
Ed: "No one trick or treats this early. That's bullshit."
Apparently not bullshit. E was out on the porch grilling up some buffalo wings for the football game when a group gathered at the edge of our lawn. One of the adults called up to him, "Got any candy?" Really? "Got any candy?" He is so lucky I wasn't the one he asked. Am I crazy to think 2:00 is way too early to bug your neighbors on a Sunday afternoon? Am I also crazy to think this guy had a hell of a nerve? Way to teach your kids manners, buddy. Which, by the way, is clearly lacking around here anyway. Of the 30 or so kids we saw last night, less than half said "Trick or Treat", five said, "Thank you," and most didn't even bother with a paltry "Hello." They just stared at us blankly and held out their hot little hands. Am I just getting old, or is something seriously wrong with people?
I shut the lights off at 8 and turned my candy bucket into a Sedaris Family Fuck it Bucket. We ate our way through half. This morning I baked up some cookies to get rid of the rest. I don't think consuming all of this sugar is good for my case of grumpy-old-neighbor-itis.
Brown Sugar Butterfinger Drop Cookies
Adapted from The Betty Crocker Cookbook 1978
makes 3 dozen cookies
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup butter, at room temperature
1/4 c. buttermilk
1 3/4 c. all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 c. chopped Butterfinger candy bars (12 minis)
Beat sugar, butter, buttermilk, and egg until light and fluffy. Beat in salt, baking soda and flour until combined. Fold in chopped candy bars. Chill, covered with plastic wrap, for at least one hour.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Drop dough by rounded teaspoonfuls onto a parchment lined cookie sheet. Bake in the center of the oven for 8-10 minutes or until edges are lightly golden. Using a thin metal spatula, transfer immediately to a wire rack to cool.
At this point, you could leave well enough alone, but if you also happen to have a handful of Hershey's chocolate bars in the bottom of the candy bucket, go for it. Melt them up, whisk in a bit of cream, and dunk those suckers!
Print the Recipe
And to prove I'm not actually a big scrooge, here are my cutie pie nephews ready to go trick or treating
(at 5:30 thank you very much).